My Unemployed Life

Besides analyzing my expenses and potential income, how did I deal with being unemployed?  It's a strange feeling, being unemployed.  I was so used to getting up each day to go someplace, and now, I didn't have any particular place or schedule to follow.

My feelings varied each day.  Sometimes I would be so anxious and wondered whether I would be able to find a job easily. Other days, I wanted to take a step back and just take some time and enjoy the break.  It was like an internal war was going on inside of me, which caused even more anxiety.  My mommy side, which wanted to take a break from work to focus on the kids was at odds with my career side, which wanted to continue to progress and find a job right away.  My feelings towards one side or the other ebbed and flowed constantly.  I couldn't put either side to rest completely, maybe because I wasn't convinced about what I wanted to do.  Was there a compromise between these two polar positions? 

I was worried that if I didn't start looking right away, that I'd lose an opportunity.  To which my friend replied, you'll find another opportunity.  However, I knew that I'd kick myself if I did find a job right away and didn't take the opportunity to take a break.  But, if I did take a break, I knew that I just would not be able to relax completely.  I. can. not.  let. go. easily.....  I had been working in the tech industry for over ten years.   The hours and pace were pretty intense and it was hard to just go from 60 miles/hour to a sudden standstill.  That was it.  I felt like life was at a standstill and it was not a comfortable feeling.  I was used to moving forward.  Also, I was used to a routine.  It's a bit jarring to not have a routine.  I am a bit of a creature of habit and not having a routine was a bit disconcerting. 

I find it hard when there are too many choices.  I also felt a bit guilty.  Worrying about "choice" and the fact that I had a "choice" is a luxury.  This was something that I was aware of and appreciated.  Also, why did I feel as though I could only move "forward" if I had a job and there was progression in my career?  Could or would I feel as though I'm moving forward if I focused on other areas in my life that were neglected?  Could I explore other options and maybe do something different?

Most of my friends encouraged me to just take a break and not look for a while.  I knew that I should really take this opportunity, but it was hard.

What did I do those initial few days while unemployed?  I was giddy.  I went shopping.  I reveled at the lack of lines at stores.  I spent more time with the kids.   I was also very anxious.  I wondered about the future.  I had long-term plans and being laid off was not part of the plan.

I could, however, choose how to react to this event.  Not to be too simplistic, but one could take this positively, like an opportunity, or negatively, like an disaster.  I guess it could be seen as both, but generally, I wanted to see this as an opportunity.   I understand that not everyone can see things this way.  What made it easier for me to see this as an opportunity? What made it easier for me to be able to make a choice about what to do?