Post Restructuring Cash Flow Review - Food Expenses Revisited (School Lunch)

I had done a review of our food expenses for the month, and I had neglected to include one category.  School lunches.  We were a very busy household and one thing we did was buy hot lunch for both of our kids.  This saved time and the kids seemed to actually eat their lunch whereas whenever I made lunch for them, most of the food came back.

Here's an updated table of our food expenses for the month before the restructuring and the month after.

	Before	After
Groceries	$580	$340
Eating out	$350	$100
School Lunches	$184	$184
Total	$1114	$624

Wow - we were spending a lot on food each month.  That's all I could think - Wow. 

School Lunches

As I reviewed our expenses, I thought that I should try to make lunch for my kids rather than have them eat hot lunch at school.   I looked at how much I could potentially save by making lunch.  A lunch consisting of a sandwich with peanut butter and jelly (or one made with turkey and/or salami) and multi-grain bread, a fruit strip, juice and another snack or fruit would cost around $2-$3/lunch.   Lunch at the schools generally cost between $4-5/lunch.

Was it worth it to make lunch?

I would be saving between $1-2/day.  But, what were the costs?  Time.  Waste.

We were still busy in the morning and it takes time to make lunch.  I was taking time away from other things that I needed to do.  Get kids breakfast, get them dressed, brush their teeth, organize their materials for the day, and then get ready myself.

Also, during the Summer, I made lunch for the kids every day, and they didn't eat much of the food that I prepared.  I worried about whether they were getting enough food and energy for the day and I worried that we were just wasting food.

Ultimately, we decided that it would be easier and better to just let the kids continue to get hot lunch at school.  It saved time and they enjoyed it.   The school lunches weren't like the ones we had when we were kids.  They were actually healthy and there was variety.    We gave certain parameters for lunch.  No candy.  Milk at least 2 or 3 times per week.  Fruit was a must.  They should only get what they thought they could eat. 

Also, to balance out the cost, maybe I would make lunch once or twice a week.  

Restructuring Day +1

It had finally started to set in.  I didn't have a job.

I had so many mixed feelings.  Panic, anxiety, relief, happiness and even joy.  In some ways, I saw this as a blessing in disguise.  I had not been happy for a while and had thought about leaving, but it was just so hard to move on especially since I was comfortable.

What did comfort mean and how did it impede me?  It always takes a while to get used to any place, and I had finally gotten used to all of the processes and procedures, gotten to know key people in each department that could help me get things done, made some friends and even enjoyed what I was doing.  What made me unhappy? The commute, the feeling of stagnation and the feeling that there was no possibility of advancing my career.   When I looked at my job objectively and weighed all the pros and cons, I knew that I had to leave.  It was just a matter of when and where. 

It made think.  What did I really want?   I had talked about finding the right balance in life and it was a constant struggle.  There was an inner war between my ambitious career self and my mommy self.  My desire to advance in my career was at odds with my mommy self that wanted to take a step back and enjoy my kids.  I think feelings ebb and flow and there isn't just one trajectory, but I was going to stay on the path that I was on until something happened. 

Now that didn't matter.  The decision was made for me.  My ego was bruised a little bit knowing that I was thought of as fungible, but when I thought about it, everyone is fungible.   But, what restored my faith in humanity was the immense response I got from everyone.  Everyone was so supportive and seemed to care about me.

I think that in any situation you can look at things positively or negatively.  I could choose to see this as an opportunity or a calamity.   Granted, not everyone has the luxury of seeing things this way.  I wasn't a single mother living paycheck to paycheck and heavily dependent on this income.  I was lucky, and I realized that I had the luxury of seeing things this way.  In any case, a job loss is hard.  It forces one to do a reality check.

1.  I had to start looking hard at our finances and see if we could do without my income and for how long, even considering the severance. 

2.  We had to look at health care options.

3.  I had to look deep and assess what I wanted to do.  Is this the time for a new direction, do I try to find work right away or do I seize the opportunity and try to take some time off of work and try to enjoy time with my kids (of course this was dependent on an analysis in #1 above)?

 

Restructuring Day

What did I feel when I found out it was me?

Relief.

I finally knew.  After months of uncertainty and anxiety, it was good to finally know.

What else did I feel?

Shock.

I had thought it could be me; it's different when it is actually me.

Sadness.

I was going to miss my co-workers, all of whom were shocked and dismayed.

Happy.

I hadn't been happy for a while, and now I was free.  It felt strange to be happy.  Was it shock? Was it related to the relief? Either way, I was actually happy.

A bit Fearful.

What were the terms - severance (provided I signed a full release), and the company would pay the health care premiums under COBRA for a few months.  Overall, it wasn't a bad package.  The only thing I was really worried about was health care.

The Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (COBRA) would allow me to get coverage under the company's group health plan for a limited period of time, around 18 months after termination.  Generally, COBRA applies only under certain circumstances such as voluntary or involuntary job loss, reduction in the hours worked, transition between jobs, and other life events.   While I would still get access to health benefits, I would be responsible for paying the full premium.  It was really expensive.  While I always had to pay a contribution, it was shocking to see what the full premium would be.  This was when the fear started to creep in.  After the company paid period expired, what would I do?

Restructuring Countdown

Was it going to happen today?  Was there extra security outside today?  Were there moving boxes in the hallway?

Each day we wondered whether it was THE day.  Each day, I was disappointed because it meant another day of uncertainty.  In some ways, I just wanted the company to just rip the band-aid off and just do it.  I understand that there are legal implications to a world-wide restructuring, but still, it was almost annoying how long it was taking.  It had been months since the announcement.  The executive leadership was of course vague on the timing.  There seemed to be constant meetings.  Meetings for department heads to meet with their terms, and then smaller subgroups to meet to discuss the progress.

I had been sending out a few feelers, but I still wanted to see what would happen.  While I was still unsure whether I'd be on the List, I still didn't feel like it was my time to go.  I still wasn't ready to move on.

I had other considerations as well.  I had been at the company for a few years, and my department was supportive of a work/life balance.  As long as the work got done and the clients were happy, there were no requirements for "face time."  I set expectations for my clients and I was generally able to leave at a reasonable time each day so that I could pick the kids up from school, spend a little bit of time with them and make dinner.  This was an established company and there wasn't an 24-hour mentality.

I realized that if I were to move to another company, then I would have to face a few things.  Some of which I wasn't ready to face.

1. Establishing oneself.  One, I would have to establish and prove myself again.  Developing relationships and finding one's way in a new department always takes some time.  
2. Work/life Balance.  Also, I wouldn't know right away whether there was a respect for a work/life balance.  Glassdoor.com was a good resource and I could get feel for the inner workings of a place, but I had to keep in mind whether the post was new or old and whether the poster could be biased or not.  If the reviews consistently listed work/life balance as a pro, then there was some comfort, but I also had to be mindful of which department this poster was in.  While there may be a respect for a work/life balance in one department, this doesn't necessarily carry over to other departments.  I worked in the G&A function, and so there may or may not be similar expectations than for the engineering or R&D staff. 
3. Fit.  Fit at any place is extremely important.  If I'm going to spend a significant amount of time in any place, it's really important to find a place that fits me personally and professionally.   I'm not talking about politics, but philosophy in terms of how to approach problems.  I could not work at a place where it is so rigid and inflexible and did not believe in the spirit of compromise and cooperation. 
4. Commute.  Any new place would have to be relatively close to my residence.  I didn't want to commute to a place where I knew the traffic would be horrendous. 
5. Type of work.   I could do many things, but I had started to truly enjoy what I was doing.  I didn't want to branch out quite yet and wanted to continue to do what I was doing.  Finding the right position with a particular focus would take some time.  But, could I afford to be picky?

 Also, in the back of my mind, I was also thinking.  If I DID get laid off, would it hurt to just take some time off to really think about what I wanted to do?  Could I afford this luxury?